Billy is Going to Rule the World
by AssasinNinja
Summary: While watching television, a commercial sparks Billy's mind and increases his IQ to the highest points possible. No longer content to be the dunce he was, he forces his friends and former handlers to assist him on a quest to be the sole ruler of the entire world. Mandy, both enthralled and intimidated by his intellect, reluctantly falls under his control and ultimately, his charm.


I... can't... keep... a... line... of... thought... for... very... long. What?

I'm... sitting... with... my... friends... watching... the... TV.

I LOVES THE TV! The pretty colors, the funny sounds! The happy music!

A commercial! I loves commercials!

Wait... what's... this... commercial... about? I see... a mouse... running... along... a train track... I hear... a voice in... my head. It's saying... my name.

'BILLY' It... says, 'BILLY. BILLY. WAKE UP.'

I... I feel something... like gears, grinding in my head. I'm finding it less difficult to think. My thoughts, they are developing into a solid, infinite stream. My brain feels like a train, going a million miles per hour.

I'm smart. Somehow, I'm smart now. No, I'm more than smart, I'm a genius. No, I'm more than a genius, I know everything. Except, I don't know how that commercial made me smart, and I don't care, all I know is I'm brillant now, and things are going to change.

"Enough." I say aloud, and Mandy, Irwin and Grim turn to look at me.

"What?" Mandy asks me, her ever present annoyance ticks me off.

"What are we doing? Just sitting here watching TV? There are things that need doing."

"What the hell are you talking about, moron?"

I stand up off the couch, and take in my surroundings. The room is different, I see things I never even imagined seeing before. Eagles can see colors we can't, that's the closest thing I can compare my boost in intelligence to. I pull off my old red hat, and stare at it hatefully. I discard it without remorse.

"Hey, Idiot!" Mandy calls me by an irrelevant name, "I asked you a question."

I ignore her, the nuisance that she is, and smell my shirt. It reeks. My skin reeks. I can't recall the last time I took a shower.

"Billy?" Grim asks, "What are ya doing, mon?"

I ignore him, the reaper, and make my way to the laundry room. At first, no one follows me. I don't remember doing my laundry before, but the memory of watching my mother do it comes to me in perfect clarity. I strip off my pants, and my underwear is filled with holes. I see nothing in the tattered white fabric that is worthy of salvaging, but I keep it off for modesty's sake.

"Yo, Billy, what's up bro?" Irwin. Idiot.

I throw my clothes in the washer, and add the right amount of detergent to have them clean in about 15 minutes. Drying them will be another matter, but I have plans to speed up that process as well. I walk past my annoying friends and make my way to my bedroom, where after a while of searching, I find a clean pair of underwear.

Throwing away my old pair, I step into the shower, the hot water nourishes me, and my brain activity increases.

I'm functioning at such a speed I can barely catalogue the entirety of my thoughts. I know one thing for sure, the 17 year old Billy who only a moment ago was watching TV with his closest friends, is gone forever now. I am the new Billy, and my genius is beyond compare.

After I'm finished cleaning the old Billy's body so it more accurately reflects the efficiency of my new mind, I change into my new, clean pair of underwear, and head back to my friends.

"Grim, I need a favor." I say, as they stare at me in my briefs.

"Billy, you idiot, get some clothes on."

"Grim. Favor." I say, ignoring Mandy.

"What is it?" Death asks me.

"I need you to dry my clothes." I say, calmly, "With your Scythe."

They all look at me, like I'm still the idiot, the dunce, the buffoon. I have no desire at the moment to prove them wrong.

"You want to use the most powerful source of evil in the world to dry your clothes?" Mandy asks, like she's still my intelectual superior. I continue to ignore her.

"Grim, I asked you a favor."

He shrugs, and I go to the laundry room, putting on my still sopping clothes. When I return, he is already stretching out his old bones, using his Scythe to enhance his stretches.

"C'mon, I don't have all day." I say. He shrugs again, and twirls his Scythe in my direction. The blade glows with a strange aura and he points its curve at me, sending a colored ray of light into me. My clothes dry almost instantaneously, and Grim sits back down, "Don't get comfortable, we have places to go."

"What?" They all ask. I ignore them, and pocket my father's car keys and wallet off the kitchen table.

"You heard me. I need to do some shopping before we take over the world."

"Billy, you are beginning to irritate me." Mandy says, the condescension still in her voice. My friends are less intelligent than I thought. Surely my difference in diction, gait, hygiene should have cued them to my change in mind power. Nevertheless, they persist to continue to treat me as an idiot.

"Shut up." I say to Mandy, surprising everyone, even myself. With my newfound intelligence, I had assumed I would not fall victim to such an outburst of emotion, but apparently I still can't escape a human temperament.

"What did you say?"

"It's cold out, I need a jacket. And a scarf, probably." I say, trying to regain control of my 'feelings'.

"Why the hell should I care?" She asks, acid in her voice.

"Because," I say, giving into the temptation to assert my intellectual dominance, "I am no longer you're slave. You, are mine."

"What?" She asks, she tries to hold her voice steady, but I can hear the uncertainty creeping into her timbre. She's starting to put two and two together.

"I'm no longer the village idiot, Mandy. I am a genius, far smarter than you could ever hope to be." I hope I'm not blushing, but I can feel the heat form in my face as I 'toot my own horn'.

"Ha, as if." Mandy walks closer to me, her face a few inches away from mine, and almost a foot below it. I scoff. "You're as dumb as you always have been, talking fancy doesn't change anything."

"Grim?" I ask, my voice surprisingly cheerful sounding. He sighs, getting up from the couch, "I'm sure you have some necromantic intelligence test programmed into that Scythe of yours, no?"

"Well, I can gauge the intellectual weight of a human being, it helps when sorting out souls before sending them down below, mon."

"Weigh us, prove to Mandy here, the sad truth of the situation." I say, smirking at Mandy, who now looks even more unsure. Grim, shrugs once more, and holds his Scythe in front of Mandy, giving her a one over with it, like it's a large metal detector. It beeps rapidly, and a number score appears in demonic, flaming characters on the blade.

"196, impressive Mandy. Higher than Hitler's and Einsteins, but not exactly a world record. The highest human score is 250, with the highest score possible clocking in at around, 500."

Mandy allows the right side of her mouth to raise slightly in what she hopes to present as a challenging smirk, as if she thinks the relative height of her score has any effect on my mental bearing.

"My turn Grim." I say, calmly, and he mesures me just as he did her.

I smile as the flaming 500 forms on the Scythe. Mandy looks clearly worried.

"Impossible." Grim says, shaking the Scythe, "The darned thing must be broken."

I look at Mandy, and the grim reality of her situation finally hits her.

"No, it isn't." She says, reluctantly. She sighs, then looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Mandy, you've always treated me like a slave. I had to do what you told me to, and you used me. You used me like I wasn't even a human, just a vessel for your servitude. Now, I admit, that I deserved to be treated that way. I was an idiot, a moron, barely a human... but that does not excuse the callousness of your actions." I smile at her, and I can see the fear in her eyes, "That is why, my first action as your new master, is to..."

I clear my throat.

"Free you."

"What?" She asks, surprised at my mercy, and this is only a guess, but maybe even disappointed.

"I'm not you, I'm not evil, but that isn't why I'm sparing you. The truth is, I don't need you. I can achieve my goals with or without you." I look at Grim and Irwin, "You're welcome to come along if you want, but..."

I gesture for the Irwin and Death to follow me, and they hesitantly accompany to my father's car. I'm slam the driver's side door, and expect Grim to take shotgun, only looking in my rearview mirror, I see him sitting uncomfortably next to Irwin. Hearing the passenger door close, I look to my left and see Mandy buckle her seatbelt.

We nod at each other, and I back out of the garage.

I have a lot to do if I want to rule the world.


End file.
